Why am I still SINGLE? A message preached by Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo

I just love this message. I am not sure but I think this was the last LoveDating&Marriage seminar I attended at DCC Lagos. I love it so much that it is the last Singles message left on my phone. It just seemed soooooo practical and useful. So this is dedicated to all my Single FABers. So much to learn from it. Preached by my Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo wpid-pastor-k.jpg So why am I still single? He answers this with 5 questions… Enjoy.

  1. Am I available?

Some people are actually NOT available but they think they are. Some actions or way of life make you NOT available in the ‘Singles market’ which is actually over saturated. There are some mindsets you may have which unknown to you may be sending out vibes to men that you are not available eg Do you always walk around with this thought ‘there are no good men/women anymore’ whilst praying for one? Honey, daz not ghanna wok. As a (wo)man thinketh in his heart, SO IS HE!!! Also if you are carrying emotional baggage, you may think you are available but you are not.

photo courtest intl workplace

photo courtest intl workplace

The energy flowing from you ain’t in line with what you praying for. It is like a house which has a ‘Welcome to our home’ doormat but yet a big dog right at the entrance. You know you ain’t welcome. Emotional baggages would keep getting in the way of conversations with even remotely interested opposite sex and aint nobody got time to continually hear about your ex John who dumped you or whatever horrid happened in the past. Please let God heal any hurt from your past. Also are you dating someone you KNOW you cannot marry whilst yet claiming ‘Single’? Eg dating a married man or some ‘bad guy’.

photo courtesy blogherdotcom

photo courtesy blogherdotcom

You may be thinking you are just holding that person in the mentime till the ‘Mr Right’ comes along but hunnay, you are sending signals even you don’t know about and people can pick those signals. You are emotionally involved no matter what you think. Usually when you meet someone, you are NOT as interested as a fully single person is only you don’t know.

Also, if there is this ‘Bro John’ you have been ‘claiming’ although dude has neither said anything nor is he feeling you laidat. That HUGE emotional investment in Bro John has made you less emotionally available to others but you dunno. It will be clear that there is NO VACANCY in your life for other people. Please don’t lose a good guy waiting on Bro John whom you have seen in a vision lol. Keep it moving and ‘empty’ Love. Bro John aint interested. PK tells the story of this girl in this uni who was overheard praying and claiming a certain ‘Bro John’ who everyone knows was already engaged to ‘Sister Mary’. The girl just dey pray dey claim the man calling out his name and surname sef. You see such a lady, though she is single, she ain’t available. Another way to check if you are available is to find out if you have unrealistic standards. The person some ladies/guys wanna marry is A PEOPLE- 4/5 in one person. I wrote a post on that here. Nobody is 100% and hey even if there was someone like that, guess what? That person wont be able to stand you cos you are not 100%. I want a man that is very romantic, rich, successful, Prayer warrior, Bible teacher, good singer like Don or Kirk, humble like Adeboye, have faith like Oyedepo, excellent like Adefarasin, Prayer warrior like Olukoya, funny like PK, HABA SISTER, ONLY YOU!!!??? Humans are work in progress. That spouse doesn’t have to come 100% perfect 2. Are you accessible?

Photo from Flickr

Photo from Flickr

Some people are available and eligible but they are NOT accessible. They cannot be reached. Nobody got access to her.

Photo from flickr

Photo from flickr

Almost like all those sheltered children whose father had this shotgun or a big dog for any man that dared to visit.

You are certainly not welcome on this property... Photo from Flickr

You are certainly not welcome on this property… Photo from Flickr

As a single person, you must be able to be reached. You can’t be praying for a spouse and continually sit in your room under your bed, tz only mosquito that will see you. And God. But God doesn’t wanna marry. Ain’t no eligible person gonna come under your bed and see you. Which is why it is good for instance to belong to a church and a service group. Too much stories of couples who met whilst serving in church.

photo courtesy mix949

photo courtesy mix949

Being a member of the church ain’t enough especially if you are in all those big churches. Chances that you would be seen are low when all you do is come in, worship and after service you just leave. Ah!!! Bae, how is that gonna work? Join a department/small unit/connect group/house fellowship and let people SEE you and interact with you.

photo courtesy crossedroadsabc.com

photo courtesy crossedroadsabc.com

Not that you just rush into your car after every service without interacting with anybody. Don’t always walk sooooo fast. If you are single, reduce your pace hehehe. But frankly, I met one of my readers who said some people complained that she always walks too fast and with a straight face everytime in church and so was unapproachable. So please, catwalk ehn. Especially as a lady because these guys just dey try arrange themselves, gather stamina and muster courage to talk to you but before they reach you, you don disappear. And as a guy too, you gast be wise/. He tells the story of how in Bible school, first day he spotted this girl he thought he would like to get to know. Unfortunately, they didn’t sit so close. The next day he came early and sat close to the area the girl sat, made it a habit and kept finding reasons to communicate with her even if it meant copying notes he already had and asking questions he already had the answers to. ‘Excuse me, did you copy the assignment?’ ‘Did you get what that teacher said here?’ Of course, they started talking from there. My dear, you must be accessible as a single. Position yourself well. Have hobbies and be involved in them. Be sociable. Have friends. Obviously, he is not talking clubbing and stuff. There is healthy clean fun. Take yourself out if you have to, somebody might meet you there ooo. Nobody must take you there ooo. And while you are there, please be looking around small small. Like my Rev would say, watch and pray 3. Be approachable

From a recent shooting with Nemorosa. Thanks for the great shooting!

From a recent shooting with Nemorosa. Thanks for the great shooting!

Some people are available, they are accessible but to approach them is a different, impossible ball game. If you need to practice how to smile in front of a mirror, please do. Some ladies have a natural frowning face. A lot of men are not bold and they fear rejection so imagine they now gather courage to walk up to you and say hi or anything else to initiate conversation and you just size them up and down and are generally not very polite or welcoming.

photo courtesy flickr

photo courtesy flickr

The guy will just change mouth, turn you to traffic warden and ask you for direction or to borrow bible or something else. Anything but what he was on his mind because your countenance is bad. Please greet people and respond warmly. He that hath friend must show himself friendly. Recall Rebekah and how approachable and friendly she was to Abby’s servant and how she landed herself a rich young eligible blessed man. Another thing is when ladies always walk together like a gang and their countenance makes it hard for any guy to get that opportunity to speak to one privately. Don’t look down on people who don’t have it all now and be like ‘he is not my type’ lol. Some of these hunks we see now have not always been hunks ooo. For example see Rev and PK’s Surulere pix hehehe

hahahahahaha lol

hahahahahaha lol. I wish I can see the third man now

See them today

See them today

so some of these guys you boning now may be multi-millionaires in a few years. No use today scatter your tomorrow. Be approachable. That’s all for Part 1. Part 2 will be up same time next week. That’s Tuesday. Until then, share with your friends aii… Especially your Single and ready for marriage ones Trust you enjoyed this. Please share with your single friends, male and female and you can worship with DCC here WORSHIP WITH US DCC Lagos Victory Dome Behind PHCN Office, Fatgbems Bus Stop, Amuwo Odofin, Lagos 1st Service – 7.00am 2nd Service – 8.30am 3rd Service – 10.00am Midweek service Wednesday 6.30pm DCC Victoria Island Elegushi Beach Road, Beside Meadow Hall School, After 3rd Roundabout, Lekki, Lagos. Sunday Service – 11.00am Rush Hour Fellowship (Midweek service especially for those who work on the Island) Tuesdays:                    6pm at Silverbird Cinema, Hall 4. Instead of going to enter traffic, enjoy Rush hour fellowship and be refreshed. Love Dating and Marriage (the program where this message and such relationship messages are preched) holds at different intervals in the year. If you would call our numbers, they can send you reminder texts if you wish. Website: http://davidschristiancentre.org/ Phone number: 08077714411   And then of course we have our annual WHEN WOMEN WORSHIP coming up next week. Please click on link to get all the details. Friday June 19- Sunday June 21.

WHEN WOMEN WORSHIP 2015

WHEN WOMEN WORSHIP 2015

Ladies, you know you can’t afford to miss this one. Hosted of course by Pastor Mildred Kingsley-Okonkwo

Gorgeously preggo

Gorgeously preggo

Stay blessed y’all

E’

PS

In the, an amazing relationship blogger and sister has this beautiful post up on tips to surviving wedding season. Check it out here http://www.inthemidstofher.com/2015/05/5-tips-to-surviving-wedding-season.html

Feel free to snoop around her amazing blog too

Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo

Needs, Seeds, You and I.

One of the best things about my marriage I notice these days is just how in sync we are with each other. I dunno how to put it beyond the fact that my marriage just keeps getting better and better and better and many days I just wonder if I can even live without this guy.

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My special gift

He just seems to get LIFE itself right. Like what would my life be like without him? Mehn!!!!
Thankfully I don’t have to know what that would be like cos we ridin’ into forever baby… Hehehe.

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My ride or ride...

But really this post isn’t about my husband or marriage. Or well, tz about an aspect in it I wanna highlight hoping we all can learn a thing or two. And that would be the GIVING aspect. Oh my hubby is a giver. Or better put, we are both givers. It wouldn’t matter the needs that we have, every month we make it a point of duty to spend on beyond ourselves. And the giving cuts across board oooo.

– Tithes and Offerings (non-negotiable)
– To Pastors and Spiritual authorities
– To our Parents and sibs where applicable
– Seeds and Sacrifices in church/the kingdom
– To our friends celebrating one thing or the other especially weddings and births or when you need to ‘tap in’ hehehe.
– To our friends who are ‘momentarily’ in need.
– To those less privileged than us
– To our mentees, younger friends and the likes

Yes our giving cuts across strata. You give into the kingdom cos that’s the BEST and SAFEST investment. You give to those higher than you (so that you sef go reach their level) and those on the same level and lower than you because tz the christian thing to do.

I mean, once we identify that truly you have a need, we find a way to give what we can. Whether as a family or individually. Truth is we are getting so used to it that it feels very strange to not meet a need in any given month no matter how tinz dey do us personally.
I especially love that once hubs mentions giving to a certain person, the exact amount I have in mind is what he mentions. Or when we are sowing a seed in church and we both are thinking the same thing which is that we have to sow more than we did the last time. Ah!!! The joys of giving as a family. Priceless!!!

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Sometimes, even if the person in need doesn’t ask explicitly ooo, we just know that this person needs some kinda financial help and we do what we can. You don’t always have to wait until the person comes cap in hand.

There was a time a good friend was out of job and I recall asking her how she been coping and she mentioned two of our close friends who had been giving her money in that ‘desert period’. It really touched me. She didn’t need to ask them for. They just gave.

Frankly sometimes, all I have is 5k and it hurts me to give that little BUT I still give and remind myself and God (if He ever forgets lol) that He needs to bless me/us more so we can be bigger blessings to His people. This life is interesting sha. Some people have REAL needs ooo. As in, the very basics ooo. Yet here we are, doing ‘aka-aradite‘ just cos we are trying to meet our luxuries. And sometimes sef we have the guts to be ungrateful to God because of the ‘extras’ we can’t have just yet.

You know, my bestie Vee was my sleepover guest yesterday (babe how did we not take pictures? Lol) and she’s a doctor.

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So we were talking about some kain disease people will have and just die for the flimsiest reasons. Painful something. How much kwanu? Sometimes in tens of thousands. Ugh!!! Yet a whole life gone!!! Ah!!! Forgive us Father where we have neglected to be grateful for the health we have.

I love it when I meet people who give freely. Frankly I can’t stand stingy people. I think tz devilish. We can’t gather and gather and not find a way to reach out. I mean needs abound all around us but sometimes we are consumed by our own wants. As if our own wants/needs can ever be exhausted.

Oh I have this bigsis who just makes giving a lifestyle. I know several persons she has given esp without asking that it just inspires me. I’m not surprised at how much God blesses her and her family. You can’t be such a wide giver and not be blessed.

Proverbs 11: 24 
The world of the generous gets larger and larger; the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller (MSG)

You don’t even always have to KNOW who you dey give. Sometimes you just see all those sad stories on blogs and u swoop in to give. So long as you truly know there is a need. There is something SDK does on her blog called In house News (IHN) where a lot of giving and receiving goes on (among other stuff). Just discovered it yesterday sef and I backdated to read as many. Someone might say ‘I need baby stuffs. We can’t afford it atm for so and so reason’ and drop her details then the next week the person is back with pictures of really cool stuff she received from moms who were done with it. Many many tinz people are giving and receiving via IHN. Sometimes tz stuff you are no longer using. I especially love when people who have received give back too most times in form of recharge cards and stuff. I especially love that people ask. I’m not talking of jokers who just sit back and expect manna to drop. I’m saying people who maybe had this or that issue and then need help ask. Oh, ask and you shall receive. Don’t die in silence biko. And then where you can, give!!!

3more stories before I go

I recall when this popular Naija music producer had this bad disease sha and had to be flown to India for treatment. He spoke out and asked for help.

Did he get insulted? Hell yeah…
‘When you were making money, u didn’t save. Instead u married two wives, clubbing etc’
You know we Naija people go harrrrdddd. Lol
But did he receive???
My dear, he got more than needed. Enough to take care of him till post surgery and he too could reach out to some persons in the same condition as he was from what he got. 
Now he’s healthy and back to work again.
Recently, Nollywood lost one of her own from an organ failure. The death pained me. Now if it is true that he truly wanted to keep it hush hush and find a way to raise funds personally, I am justifiably pained. Not that it is my place to say anything but I really wish he (or his friends who knew) went public with this and raised funds. Oh with the money some of these superstars in Nollywood (and even the music industry) have and throw around, and with the calm disposition of this actor, I’m too sure funds would have been raised and proper treatment, even if in the moon, woulda been done and who knows, he may have been alive today. Who knows.
Just too sad!!!

Now my final story.
Just this week, I heard a most shocking news about a friend from Uni. Good guy. Down with a liver condition. Stuff had escalated cos well, it had been hush hush. Apparently, a mutual friend went visiting casually and when he saw what he saw, he decided that NO we can’t hide this thing abeg cos what he saw was BAD. Infact he sent everyone messages prompting us to give. He didn’t even need the dude’s permission. Gosh the night I heard it, I was livid with everyone who knew and hushed it. I called everyone I knew to get as much info. Raised as much awareness. We organised prayers and then people started giving too.
You can’t just pray alone and not do what you can to help financially.

James 2

14 What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? 15 Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing,

16 and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?

17 So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless.

That’s NLT. Permit me to share The Message too.

14-17 Dear friends, do you think you’ll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, “Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!” and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn’t it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?

A lot of people shy from giving thinking ‘others are giving’ but no, you too give. There is a SURE reward.

Now, is my friend better? Not quite.
But will we beat this thing? You bet we will!!!
Are more funds needed? Very very YES!!!
And we have been doing what we can to raise more. For him to get standard treatment. Infact, I’m amazed as to how fast SOME people mobilised themselves after news went public (at least within we his colleagues at school).
But when I heard it, oh how I wish we knew sooner than now. 
The medical reports aren’t good but our God is a healer.
I know I will testify about him here. Please feel free to uphold him in your prayers. And hey, if you are led to give, holler personally at me and I can share his bank details.

But frankly, we should be very grateful for the life and health we have. And find as many opportunities to be a blessing to others not just being so into ourselves. 

Here’s to a life that looks beyond its needs to sowing seeds in as many places where it truly matters…

Gal 6:10
Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith (NLT)

Love

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E’

The REAL boko Haram….

Ndi Boko

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That’s what my mama started calling ’em after the drama that happened in UI in my final year

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Final year...Exam period. UI

when we HEARD that they had written a letter to our school (and like two more schools) that they were coming to bomb us next.
*insert your BEST ‘shuo’ face here*
I’ll spare you the details of the shutdown, students protest and refusal to write exams, and increased security presence that happened then in school and just tell you how my mom and sister didn’t stop yabbing me about it all cos I even repeated such crap to them…
So whenever she called, she will say
‘…ndi boko ha landiala?’
Literally translating to ‘have the ‘boko people’ landed?’
Tz crazy hilarious in Igbo, plus the way she always said it amidst laughter while my sis will also be laughing in the background.  Choi!!!
Momma of mine… Dramatic to the C
Anyways, the truth is rumour or not, students were taking absolutely NO chances.

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Especially cos they were anti Western Education

Exam gbakwa oku, omo, the campus hostels emptied out like we all saw the letter with our korôkoro eyès.

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Parents ringing their kids to come home. This was one rumour we didn’t wanna wait to confirm cos that would mean heaven or hell straight up!!!

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It just made sense and spirit to vamoose.
Yup…Ndi Boko had such powers. Lol.

Fast forward to later that year when my NYSC posting came out. I recall telling my parents I was posted to Bauchi. That period, ndi-boko were killing crazy in that region. Infact there had been calls to stop posting Corpers there as several had lost their lives. Mehn, trust my dad, first thing he said was ‘You are not going!!!’. And momsie? She had started calling people already to ‘effect necessary changes’.
No way on God’s green earth were they going to let me go to Bauchi!!!
And fact is, I knew plenty people who postponed their NYSC to the next batch cos they were posted to problem states. And I know a few who lied that they had all sorts of unprintable diseases just to be re-posted from camp.
That’s to show you how much we value our lives. Nobody wants to deliberately die from Boko-haram bombings and certainly not at this young age. So we find both godly and ungodly ways to stay safe. And alive.

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With my State Coordinator Lagos. Was joking when i told 'em Bauchi

Today in the news, (and I do think you have to make sure you are reading your bible MORE than you are watching the news otherwise, the spirit of despair, fear and depression would soon tackle and overpower you)

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Yup, the news doesn't smile these days

ndi-boko gist is everywhere. Where they aren’t bombing, they are threatening or jail breaking or clashing with our Security operatives.
Almost daily, certainly weekly, one drama goes down. And takes with it innocent lives. Only this year, we have lost near thousands. Kids and students not excluded.
Viewer apathy is actually starting to set in. Gosh!!! God forbid.
So why did I lay out all this Boko drama? Or is BH all I wanna talk about today?
Certainly Nope.
Ok, let’s dive in.
One week, one of those weeks when I had just heard about ENOUGH marital or relationship HELLISH news including how the kids were being affected, a friend now told me of another marital story gone BAD for a colleague of hers.

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Such heart wrenching news

Then it just dawned on me that some times, we use our own legs and walk straight into ndi-boko camp and let our lives get bombed up.
Yup, that’s EXACTLY what happens when you marry wrong.
That’s the real Boko haram. And this time, You become your own boko-haram. You too are guilty!!! Of aiding and abetting your own ‘death’. 
You get yourself into a real ticking time bomb situation when you end up with the wrong life partner and sooner than later, it will go VOOM in your face…

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Lemme talk to the ladies here. Cos most times, we suffer more in such situations. We are the casualties of this war. 
Sweetie, I beg You in the name of God, please don’t COMPROMISE your faith cos of a man!!! Don’t lower your standards just cos your life’s aspiration is to marriage!!! Now I am going to assume that I’m talking to real spiritual believing ladies here. If you aren’t, nne get right with God first ooo cos you can’t make this all important decision without Him. Don’t deceive yourself ooo. 

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Join us the FAB GOD GIRLS ooo...

Ok so let’s proceed…

If Mr Tall Glass of all things HOT n SPICY is NOT a born-again and unquestionably saved believer complete with FRUITS of the spirit NOT just the GIFTS, he is BOKO HARAM!!! Run!!! His soul z not saved/renewed and according to Eph 2:2, there is a DEMON Spirit at work in the sons of disobedience, those who refuse to obey God. Hmm, that spirit can move him to do ANYTHING at ANYTIME!!!

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**shivers**

Nne that is the real boko-haram. Don’t even think about marrying him!!! Run!!!

If he is Mr Swags-on-point, but he doesn’t have any spiritual authority or mentor over him that can call him to order when his head starts touching, and he is even one of those who talk down on Pastors and MOG, he is a ticking time bomb, RUN!!!

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An un-mentored man has already been recruited into the Boko Haram army. Don’t let him practice his skills on you ooo. Experience z NOT the best teacher for the wise.
 
If our Tall, Dark and Handsome doesn’t go to and SERVE in a church or pay his tithe REGULARLY, run!!! A man who cheats God will cheat and shortchange you of life itself… Plus he has no covering!!! Boko haram identified!!! And rejected!!! Tsk tsk tsk!!! Run!!!

If Mr Suave is also Mommy’s boy, honey, you can’t compete with his mom ooo.

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Aaaaaarrrrgggghhh!!!

Neither can you fight it if the boy aint willing to free himself from mommy’s apron.

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The ground no go level ooo. No try yasef

And no wife wants to play second fiddle in her ‘real estate’. It may seem like just a spark that would soon go out but trust me, I recently heard of an under one year divorce case cos of mummy’s influence!!! Tick tock tick tock BOOOM!!!
Bomb will sooner than later detonate in your face!!! Run baby, run. But first, gift him this sucker!!!

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Bomboy!!!

For me, the next point is probably my most important…

If your spiritual authority says ‘don’t marry this man or quit this relationship’ baby mi, don’t even think it. Of course this is me assuming you have Pastors or mentors like my PK and Rev.

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Rev Femi Oduwole and Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo. My MAINESTssss!!!

Trust me, he is NOT gaining natin by stopping you. Instead he is saving your life from being blown up!!! Listen!!! Ask him why…Then take notes to identify any other BH man and then Run!!!

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That 'love' will burn you bad

Run like Road runner. Don’t look back like Lot’s wife. Make sure that loser NEVER catches you. Your life can scatter my Love. Scatter!!! If you dare to disobey spiritual authority especially on this all-important marriage matter, and maybe even now start dodging or fighting your Pastor cos you suddenly think he wants to pour sansan in your garri…. Hmmmmmmmm.
Some mistakes are DEADLY. Even when you repent of it and attempt to get your life back on track, the scars remain. Sometimes very VERY obvious.

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Some scars remain FOREVER...

When your hands have burnt and you come back to your mentor/Pastor, he will accept you but you will deal with the consequences of that isi-ike FOREVER. 

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Listen to your spiritual leaders ooo. Hmm

Hmm, and the koko one, if he beats you in the relationship, and you go ahead, spurn better judgement and marry, please lemme know. So I can gift you a coffin on your wedding day. Sweetie, an abusive man is Boko haram’s ring leader. Someday, your corpse will be what will be taken out of that marriage.

If he is sexing you in the relationship, hmm both of you are being stupid but the girl more IMO. My LOVE, stop!!! You can repent NOW. And if he no gree, baby, madness occurs when you as a wife has ZERO trust in your hubby cos the same line you cross to fornicate is the same you cross to ‘adulterate’. You will just become a detective for nothing. Unpaid crazy one. Nne, no TRUST, No NOTHING.

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You deserve MORE darling

Then he will now boko-haramize you when you now dare to ask him questions!!! Sweerie, oso Abiola… RUN!!! Leave your shoes behind if you have to. 

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More like FLEE

Forget that He is the hottest thing Alex-Ekubo-aint-got-natin-on-him. He oozes class and panache like Paddy Adenuga. He is so charming Okija babalawos and their many charms pale when he appears.   Those things don’t matter as much ooo. The difference between Charming and Harming is the letter C…
See how Harming goes with Haram-ing if you can attempt to ‘funerize’
Harming…Haraming…

Now, my blog is NOT a strictly relationship blog but for some interesting reason, majority of the mails that come to me are relationship related from ladies. Hmmmmm. Like Inthe…, I can actually say tz my ‘bread and butter’ especially when the ladies are actually really ready to follow wise counsel. But guess where the real wahala happens?
When despite wise counsel, she tells you how hard it is to do what’s right, and then goes ahead with ndi-boko and BOOM!!! She is haramized… I wish I could FORCE them but I have learnt that I can’t… I can only talk and pray and hope you make the right choice.

My Pastor Kingsley always says ‘…you deserve who you marry…’ and he doesn’t pity people with ‘marriage drama’ anymore… Because counsel po… Wise counsel is everywhere if we open our eyes a bit. Somewhat like the lawyers will say ‘Ignorance is not an excuse in law…’ Most times, we just ignore or not heed to counsel cos we think we know better. Whatever you see in marriage, you would have seen a shadow in courtship but love dey blind and shack you.
At first, I thought PK was being harsh. Right now, I believe him. It may sound like a harsh thing to say, but tz the truth. Sorry.
Before I start pitying you, I like to ask questions. When you ask questions deeply, you will realize that the cracks were present. The red flags… The ‘Potential Boko haram’ billboard. She just ignored it or downplayed it.

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Then the fall inevitably happens...

Don’t come in here and be telling me ‘people change, you just never know what you will see in marriage until you enter or you are still in the creche of marriage and things may change so don’t talk yet (I had a comedienne tell me that once. I was amazed as to how the devil has blinded and deceived people. I immediately prayed for her cos she sounded like a Haramized wife)…’ And all such absolute rubbish…
Our heavenly Father is NOT wicked. He will NEVER leave you without a witness and neither will He lead you into something that has the potential to change for the worse. No baby, not my Sugar Daddy. 

Singleness is NOT a sin. It is NOT a curse. It is NOT a disease. You won’t be sent out of heaven if you don’t marry BUT marrying the wrong person can take you straight to hell, boko haram style. 
Psychologists have even proved that the wrong person can reduce the quality of your life by 62%. Wow!!!! That is HUGE. Tz way better to be single hoping to be married than to be married, living with the fear of Boko haram and craving singlehood ooo.
Shine your eyes, shine your brain and of course, shine your spirit.
Don’t sacrifice your future on the altar of just being a Mrs…
Let’s do this exercise baby…
Tz simple.
Get a mirror…look at your beautiful face therein. God-girl that you are.
Tell yourself
I am worth more than any Boko-haramization!!!
I am Priced far above rubies.
Too precious to God.
Sugar daughter of THE only Sugar Daddy.
I am God’s biggest deal. He’s invested His ALL in me so I can’t miss it marriage wise cos He’s got His eyes on me.
He will perfect it for me at the right time. He that would come will come and not tarry. I will patiently wait for him while working on myself to be the best mum for my kids.

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Single is FABULOUS too

And I do owe my kids the best Daddy too.
I deserve more than a ticking time bomb.
I will let that loser go… I release him even though it hurts. I sow him as a seed to God. He will bring me a bountiful harvest. My very own David. My perfect slice of heaven. My heaven. My very own ‘Love like a movie’.
*feel free to add more darling*

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Love and Pamper you...

You are a King’s daughter baby. Don’t settle for less. Don’t reduce your standards so low that even lizards can apply and of course at the same time, don’t raise them so high even the Pope can’t apply. Wisdom!!!

Like I said, information is everywhere yo!!! Good ones ooo. Don’t even think your speaking in tongues alone will teach you all you need to know. Try learning to drive by just scabashing and come back to tell me how that goes. Please nne, deliberately read good books, attend good seminars (like LDM), buy messages, etc.

Now I know there will be some married women who are in some kinda haramic situation reading this. My heart bleeds for you. Gosh!!! So what do you do? Can I be sincere with you here?
Yeah…
I dunno. Truth. Cos situations are peculiar. I can’t say what you should do here but I do know you can get counselling. Customised counselling. If you really do need one, I could hook you up. More than anything, you can too pray. Yes PRAY. Gragra won’t do shingbai. God can and  will teach you what to do.

Which is why I love to talk more to the Singles. You have the opportunity to get it right. You can still press the CAUTION button and check out every man to be sure He is not a Boko-haram member.

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Caution baby CAUTION

Which is why I’m delighted to invite you to this month’s LDM seminar in Abuja themed
CAUTION for Singles!!!

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Love Dating & Marriage Abuja

I mean, if you don’t know, you can learn yeah?
Cos that safety sign C can be the difference between heaven and Boko-haram.

Of course you know David’s Christian Centre got relationship on a lock down yeah?

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To the blood!!! Wherever life takes me...

Like we do relationship right. Right from our Senior Pastor to the Ministers and then Eziaha (loool) and the rest of us, we just dey enjoy heaven on earth in our marriages. So when we call a relationship seminar, clear your schedule and come!!!
This Sunday April 13. Petrus Hotel, off Gimbaya street (after Toprank Hotel), Area 11, Garki Abuja. 4.30pm
My Pastor drops it like He hears it. Undiluted and Powerful!!! You don’t wanna miss it. Single or married, this meeting will bless you…
See you there *winks*

Stay FAB darlings.
E’
Testifying FORWARD…

PS:
Yes. Posts come up here once a week now. At the weekends. Seldom twice.
I know, stop protesting already hehehe.
By the way, you guys major rock!!! #FAB4Life
Oh btw, you can reach me on eziaha@eziaha.com or on Twitter @eziahaa

PPS:
Cos I am super nice, I have attached a couple of links to posts that can help my Single Sisters out there…
@inthemidstofher The measure of a (1st Tim 3) man http://www.inthemidstofher.com/2011/03/my-criteriathe-measure-of-man-part-1.html?m=1 (while on her blog, snoop around for Part 2)
Don’t marry Him if… by E’ https://eziaha.com/about/messages-i-have-transcribed/ (Just click and enjoy the relationship posts there)
Why don’t you have a Pastor? By Pastor Mildred Okonkwo http://justusgirlsnaija.com/2014/03/29/why-dont-you-have-a-pastor/
Dangerous men by my Booski http://dumebie.com/2014/03/17/dangerous-men/
Guys, you can actually just read between the lines and know the kind of ladies who have enlisted in the BH army.
Someday God will help me transcribe ‘Don’t marry her if…’ By Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo.
Until then, just believe God. Lol

E’s.Mail…Pre-marital Counselling

Airport lounges are a great place to blog…
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I have done quite some blogging every time I wait…
I actually thought I would spend some time reading this book while I await my flight,
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but I decided I would read the book in-flight since all electronic gadgets would have to be off then…
I am also praying that I get an extra meal pack seeing as I am super hungry and in my hurry, I didn’t have either brekkie or lunch and I am too prudent/stingy to buy airport food…
Tz past 2pm BTW…
Meanwhile, I  have enjoyed all sorts of favor flying ooo… From being upgraded to first class, to extra snacks, to taking a picture in the cockpit…
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He he he. At the checkpoint today, they didn’t even check my hand luggage. Didn’t let me remove my sandals, didn’t do that annoying touching all over they do… Nothing. They just kept saying ‘ah fine original African girl/lady/etc…’ My hubby said that’s how I would have passed with bomb and they will be hailing me…loooooool
Let’s see what happens today…
#opentoverypleasantsurprises#
Free tip: Always wear a blinding smile at the airport… Works!!!
OK this really mean man just came to sit across me with a plate of steamy sweet smelling snails…
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#PureEvil#
Back to the subject matter… With TY Bello’s Yahweh playing nonstop from my phone, lemme welcome you to this segment called E’s.Mail…
So a darling FAB’er sent me this mail…
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Because I have been asked this question time and again, I decided to answer this publicly. Someone else may need the info…

First off, nothing awkward here darling… You know E’ now… Awkward is getting overrated 🙂
Thanks darling… For writing in and for the love… And of course, we know who gets all the glory yeah… #SugarDaddyOfMine

Yes, hubby and I lived in different places for 4+ of the 5+ years we dated…
And believe me, we did counselling with our two different churches tho we were wedding in mine only. He is a leader in his church and dearly beloved of almost every pastor and member so he had to bring his intended to be very checked out and approved first…
Now, while I subscribe to pre-marriage counselling (ranges anything from the popular one week or /two to four weekends crash program to the very rare intensive three months in different churches I think…), I daresay it is NOT enough. Especially the  crash courses…
My opinion tho…
Now I say this because most churches I know won’t join you until you have undergone their marriage counselling classes but has that impacted on the number of divorces, seperations and all sorts that we see even in the church today?
I sincerely believe that marriage is such a HUGE deal so the same we study for our degrees, we also need to study to make this institution which is lifelong work…
Now what am I saying?
I recall as a student in unibadan, there was this time Rev TJ (Rev’s darling babe) was transferred to pastor my branch (Shabach centre). Since it was opposite UI, students were about 3/4 of the congregation. One of the first things she told us then was those in relationships should let her know and bring their intended to her so she can get to know them and counsel along…
***side note… Second and final boarding announcement. Gotta run.
FreeTip2: Avoid the rush,and the queuing especially if you don’t have a huge hand luggage. Always board at the final call 🙂 Catch y’all soon***

8.50pm… Long trip…  But the show must go on…

OK where were we?
So she wanted us to bring our ‘boifwends’ and girlfriends…
I am sure a lot of people wondered why and thought she probably just wanted to hear gist…
But she had her strong reasons…
Anyways,me, even before she said, there was no way I was going to be dating someone and I would not have informed my pastors… Especially because my church was a relationship church and they really understood relationships, evident in the kinda marriage they had.

Now Aku m wasn’t in Ibadan but after I was sure that it was him I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the next time dude came, fiam I had him visit Rev and his wife for them to scrutinize him wella and probably throw in a few ‘you better don’t mess with our very precious daughter E’ or we will go all ninja on you’ threats… I wasn’t at that meeting but when Rev called me, he was like ‘…ah Eziaha, this one is a good one ooo… I like him. I can’t threaten him…’ and all that. Rev teju also loved him too. Intact, I tell her she loves him more than me, because they both have reserved personalities while Rev and myself are the sanguines yo!!!
My dear, that was where our counselling began ooo. At the very beginning of the relationship… Every time we were together in town, we would visit them, there were many calls, many individual sessions, many counsels, a few quarrel settlings lol, but basically, they were involved.
Because he attends winners which is NOT a relationship church, I made sure I over-dosed him on books, and messages on relationships from Rev, Pk, Pastor Bimbo and others like Gary Chapman and co…  We would read together, discus OVER THE PHONE most times, ask questions, etc.
That formed part of counselling too…
Then I also wanted him to meet pk…I wanted pk to ‘shake him up’ a bit since Rev had shown him love. He he he. Balance jare… Don’t judge
Infact, i used to invite him for DCC programs but he couldnt make most till MAN UP… A relationship program just for men. He bought a ticket and came all the way to LAGOS just to attend Man up and see pk if possible. He didn’t see him but he got his pin. Then they got talking on Bb. Intact, pk had to move him to his personal bbm because he is his daughter’s fiancée…  Phew, two appointments gone awry, they never met till the wedding day but on Bb they talk. Infact Bolaji used to say that whenever he puts up my picture, pk will ping him as if to say ‘…hmmm, I am watching you ooo. No just try yasef where my daughter dey…’ Loooool
No slacking oooo… I couldn’t be dating anyone and the spiritual authorities won’t be carried along…
So now, when Bolaji proposed,
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we were back to Rev and his wife THE NEXT DAY Loooool.
Both to inform them and be prayed for…
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Cos we were going to see my people and God knows we needed the prayers, counsel, etc being that I had been warned not to bother bringing a Yoruba person…
All though the drama that ensued during the whole wedding process, rev was carried VERY along… Ditto pk…
What was all that? Part of marriage counselling because dealing with the in laws comes with the package…
Now when we started the marriage counselling proper, my hubby was coming from his base to IBADAN  every time. Kai… The flight tickets no be here Loooool.

The good thing was that with that sort of foundation, we did fewer classes than the ‘regular’
In fact on two occasions, we left Rev’s house at 10pm (bless the Oduwole’s for me dear God). The the next day we would be back to Lagos and hubby would fly back to base…
Then we also had a session with another of my pastors in school, Rev Bunmi… Choi
That one was sex counselling… You will hear tinzzzzz and trust Rev Bunmi na… God bless him he is also a medical doctor hehehe… But I loved it…
Then I had to travel to his church too for counselling and marriage interview. It was going to be a crash course since I wasn’t wedding in Winners. This one caused wahala ooo, I won’t lie. Cos I didn’t want to go, especially as I had come earlier and it didn’t hold and the wedding was drawing close and most weekends were busy and my parents weren’t excited about me travelling weekends plus I was still working. I think hubby had to report me to Rev first and then, of course (who born me), I found myself making the trip two weeks to the wedding… Choi.
If you see the drilling for the interview at Winners eh…  Infact after drilling us together, they now seperated us, asked us very intimate questions and then compared answers to be sure we weren’t lying… Lol. Frankly, I didn’t expect all that and to God be the glory, we passed their interview in flying colours. In fact the head of the panel (yes they were three) now said they were very impressed with our session and that they had not interviewed a couple this in sync before and who seemed to understand and were well prepared for what they were going into. They said so many glowing things about us and coming from Winners, you know that is a big deal yeah? I remember calling rev very excitedly to gist him… Aside the interview, we did a two day marathon counselling session with different pastors handling different topics. My favorite was the one on communication. The facilitator did an amazing job. Then my least fave was ………………….lol. No comment

So my darling J, we did counselling-a-plenty:-from dating days, to pre-engagement, post-engagement and pre-marital counselling…
And the truth is, it never stops…
Infact one thing we started doing in marriage was to listen to marriage tapes together and then discus it. Tz our very own Love Dating and Marriage seminar…
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And reason ooo… Any reason!!!
So that way, we are sure we will keep hearing the right voices all through this journey…
If we are going to have the marriage of our dreams, we have to deliberately build it…

Now, of course many people have good or even great marriages without all of this. Oh well, I aint sure but I guess…
Me sha, I know say in the multitude of counsel there is safety….
I didn’t want to go into this marital journey ill-prepared and walahi I know I have a lot of wahala  and plenty to learn so I took advantage of all the arsenals within my reach…

I hope this helps…
Cheers

E’
Going Forward…Still Testifying

PS
Started this post on Monday… Concluded it Tuesday right in Unilag auditorium where we are having one job awareness thingy as part of our POP activities for batch A Corps members…
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Feb 13 in view… Thank you Jesus.
#Can’wait #BatchA2013

#31F.A.B.Voices…Tani Testifying

Tani is one of my 2013 discoveries. I mean she is one of those angels who just keep flapping their wings at several timely times so you never forget them. While it is registered that she is a bully and terrorist (babes keeps threatening to feed me to her lion-dog), you can’t take ‘oh-so-amazing’ away from her. If there is one lady I would love to stick around for a really long time in E’s life, it would be her.
For day 5, ladies and gentlemen,  I present to you my darling friend Tani…
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The last days in 2013 for me were the stormiest(if there is a word like that) but then trust God to come through as always.
In the last days of 2013 God made it very clear to me that in 2014 he will leave me speechless, you know this kind of gists you hear and your mouth refuses to close, that is what He is set to do in my life. After i heard this I had to add more to my 2014 plans.

in no particular order:

1.To be actively involved in ministry
– I plan to join a department in church this year and be very committed at that. Enough of bench warming and occasional volunteering. Time to get involved in the fathers biz.

*I didn’t even know babe wasn’t a full time worker in church ooo and I have been following you to laugh even on sundays. Nne I certainly hope you have already joined a unit ooo… I will be haranguing you on this one*

2. Spend more time in bible study and equipping my self with the word of God generally.: I plan to listen to a minimum of 365 messages this year and read a minimum of 15 books.
*the year is like 15 days old already. I hope you have started. Thankfully E’ has plenty to give you especially as we prepare to hand you over to my brother. We can’t afford to send you ill prepared now can we?*
3. Spend more time in the place of prayer: I am looking to meet and even find serious prayer partners (biko holla if interested)
***I got this email from tani in the middle of my ill health last week. This third point must have restored me temporarily. I love LOVE prayer partners whether virtual or real time. So I will say let’s get like 3 FAB’ers to join Tani and you guys can get to praying. Just holler at me and I will do the hook up and share some pointers I have learnt from making virtual prayer groups work***

4.Witness! I am ashamed to say that I have never led a soul to Christ. this has to change this year.
*** very wise decision. She who wins souls is wise… Babe I will just say keep living a Christ ambassadorial life proudly especially at work. Then get committed to a unit in church. It would surprise you how winning souls would come easy to you as you just live for and show Him off…*

5.Get MARRIED!!!In my head I am doing cartwheels knowing fully well that I am getting married to the best of them all.
*** aha!!! I can’t wait too. If for nothing, for all the meals I will be eating when I visit you whether you invite me or not… Tani is a fantastic cook and a half…*
6. Get confirmed and promoted at work.. this is kind of unrealistic but then I am counting on my SUGAR DADDY for with Him nothing is impossible
*** How is this unrealistic? Biko hold your self eh and let’s see just how our Sugar daddy will do His thing… Congratulations in advance. We go wash am wella. I will just be needing a gadget which I will tell you when you get this testimony***
7.Build a concrete mentor/mentee relationship
***Can someone please help me tell Tani to explain this further. Then I will do an update***

8.Attend the love life conference and YES take pictures with Joyce Meyer. I am sure by the time we are taking this picture Eziaha will be busy taking pictures round the dome(tongue out)
***Alika!!! Where will you see her? I advice you to just stick to me ooo cos I have my super powers***

9. Own my car. Jeep I mean!
***I picture Tani’s mouth as she says JEEP!!! Amen to that. Then you can return and leave mom’s car for her :p ***

10. I am also trusting God that this year my boo will get an A* in his appraisal
***I published this late. Dude got the A* already so Tani is already Testifying. Hehehe. So now this is me tapping into this for one of my blog readers who has her appraisal coming up real soon. Nne you too will testify…***
11.  I want to give more. I currently tithe more than a tenth of my earnings but I am trusting God for the grace to do much more. Infact I want to classify as a sower this year
*** great wise move too. All I wanna say is contained in Mark 10:29-30***

12. Babies! For all my friends, family, colleagues who are looking to God for the fruit of the womb.
***Amen***
13.Finally I want to visit DUBAI and the Maldives as a married woman!
*** that Maldives eh… person gast visit that place ooo. So amen for you***

P.S If you are interested at being a part of 2 and 3 pls holla!
Till I come your way in December to testify keep moving FORWARD.

Didn’t you just enjoy reading Tani…
I sure did. And yes babe, we will be back here to testify,  amen.

Hey guys,  sorry I am midnight publishing. Had a tres tiring day so I slept off early. I even was to have a sleepover at my bff’s but sleep carried me. And God knows we needed this time together and had been looking forward to it. I am so sorry babes…

Thank you guys for all the entries you have sent in. Don’t worry, you will soon see yours here… Hehehe. I am just picking as the spirit leads… Yes you can still send if interested…
Then it would be super cool for the featured FAB’ers should please respond to thier comments personally. I don’t like comments going ignored here on my blog so please… Thanks.

Stay FAB darlings and keep Testifying
Muah
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E’
Going Forward… Still Testifying

PS:
I put this pix so Tani can feel bad. She has been BEGGING me to teach her how to tie the knot wrapper but I no gree. Maybe a FAB’er will be nice enough to but not E’ *tongue out*
That’s E’ feeling proudly igbo. Didn’t have power for gele abeg. Plus I had just taken dreads off and did the police-cap styled kinky with corn-rows. No way I was hiding that under a gele.
PPS:
I just realised I hadn’t done a regular post this year. Imagine. Well I have one I am mentally working on… ‘It has stopped being funny’ or ‘We should no longer be laughing’. Not quite sure which title would fly but it would bless us I promise.

PPPS:
Just sorted out a WhatsApp number where I would kick off virtual meetings prior to the live meetings with the FAB community like I mentioned in my post on 2014 plans. Would detail us later. I am super excited about the plans my Sugar daddy has for this blog. Whoop!!! And I especially love how He is opening my eyes to how technology can help. Thank God especially for Google play. It has the best apps ever…

Na the same marriage be dis…?

I usually don’t like sensationalism. And in Nigeria, we thrive on it. I hear a lot of sensational news and I usually have an opinion which I sometimes want to share on my blog, but I have learnt to keep it, whether in support or against, to myself as I don’t want to further spread a gist I would rather died down. But two days ago, I saw this tweet by a news blog site on a certain comedienne whose 7 MONTH OLD MARRIAGE HAD CRASHED!!!
First thing I thought was that being that she is a comedian, they must be joking.
‘Cheap bloggers looking to drive traffic to their blog with sensational news…’ Mschewww.
And then later, I saw it on Linda Ikeji’s blog complete with a quote from the horse’s mouth. Look if it was America, I wouldn’t even blink but to hear this in Naija…? That problems started within two weeks and in a couple of months, they were already separated but didn’t go public with it till now…
Then I asked myself… ‘Na this same marriage dem dey talk?
I was so vexed in my spirit. Like, are you guys kidding me right now? Aku m just kept wondering why I take things like this too personal… I didn’t stop sighing and hissing.
I was still smarting from that yesterday when I saw the story of a PREGNANT woman who allegedly sliced her hubby’s penis. I usually don’t look at ‘viewer’s discretion advised’ pictures but I didn’t know when I chanced upon the gory pictures while reading the story both from the man and his wife’s account. The story was just incredible. How does a man and his wife become this set of people who fight and involve neighbors, chase each other down the street, pour plate of beans on this head, break plastic on the other’s head, and all sort of dirty unimaginable things IN FRONT OF YOUR SON. Then before we know it, we are talking of a sliced penis which happened in the middle of the night when husband and wife should be asleep in each other’s arms biko nu… Though woman says it was her fingernails she used, man insists it was a knife and frankly darlings, I am going with the man. Aint no finger or teeth bad enough to do that damage I saw ooo.
I can’t put a picture here. Please Google. Or visit LIB…
Thank God it could be stitched. Thank heavens dude made it alive ooo. My spirit was really down at that news. And when I am upset, I gripe. I griped and hissed and sighed so much to Aku m that he just gave up on me and continued playing the Subway surfers I taught him ooo. I kept on asking myself…
‘Na this same marriage dem dey talk…?’
I was still saddened by that when an update on the case of the Arowolo’s came up on Channels TV news at 10. I could have sworn someone was out to make me real mad by bringing all these stories to me in quick succession. Kilode?!?!?!?! The case of the man Kolade accused of allegedly killing his wife Titi in 2011. Almost two years now and case is still in court. The pathologist who did her autopsy said she was stabbed 76 TIMES and the hubby claims that she inflicted such pain on herself by herself when they were fighting because she was mentally unstable, meanwhile he had just about 12 injuries, some even superficial. How does someone stab herself 76 times biko nu? Too sad!!! And Titi was just 29 years YOUNG with her whole life ahead of her when she passed…
Abeg, again I ask, na marriage be this?
Most of us know that my hubby is a lawyer so he took it upon himself to torment me even further by giving me more real life examples of marriages gone south with plenty of drama… How does a woman POUND her husband to death? How does a man beat away pregnancy from this same wife that he will pull moves on under the sheets at night? How does a husband and wife get to the point where they argue to a point where it gets physical, involves neighbors and then even leads to such grave physical injuries and death in extreme cases…
How do you even start having problems in a marriage of TWO WEEKS? Shouldn’t you still be on honeymoon? Or did the problems start BEFORE the wedding but you chose to turn a blind eye and be a wishful thinker?
And where there are misunderstandings in the marriage, can’t they both work it out in a loving atmosphere? Why are people too quick to head for seperations and the Court when they should be running to the altar where the covenant was cut in the first place?
Like Bolaji said, it has become easier, even cool to divorce or separate because they have many examples ahead of them to look at… Many people are doing it now… Stars and non-Stars (lol) and they are still alive, no?
Chai!!!! Na this same marriage be this?
Truly, no marriage is immune to issues and even the big D. We all have to work to make our marriage the marriage of our dreams…
But even before we get to the big DO, we need to be sure we are choosing rightly. We need to be sure we are letting God lead us in this choice because frankly you can’t run this thing called marriage in the physical ooo. Recently, a female friend asked my husband if she should continue in a relationship even as her boyfriend keeps beating her. That will he change? I mean, why do we ladies do this to ourselves? If he is beating you in courtship, of course he will beat you in marriage. You don’t even need the Holy Spirit to know that. If he is even threatening to beat you in courtship, that’s a RED flag right there… Shine ya eye…
If he/she is sha beating you in marriage, by all means, for your safety and life, biko separate temporary while you try to work things out from a safe distance. There are many more Titi-like stories out there…
And by all means please, if you are not convinced of that partner, please DO NOT MARRY. Forget the pressures from anyone, be it mother, father, aunties, uncles, society, etc. Let them pressure you, no answer them ooo. Na only you go marry not them. You are in it alone. After the wedding, no one follows you home. No one will be there when you are suffering the wrong choice they have pressured you into making.
And nne, when that choice leads you to hell, either in form of a separation, a divorce or even death, they will be the first to spread your news and mock you. You are better off single and happy than married and mad/divorced/separated. If you don’t feel a conviction from the Holy Spirit complete with the peace of God, please let that person go. A broken relationship is way better than a broken marriage. I truly wish these people knew this… I feel so sorry for people who have these issues and I can’t even imagine how they feel…

Now, I know that I am not qualified to be the one to talk to anybody about pressure. True, I was blessed enough to have that aspect of my life sorted out for me really early. I won’t lie and say I know how it feels that another year has gone by and left you single and frankly 2014 doesn’t look any brighter. But I have a Sugar daddy and He knows how to say ‘You will testify’ and then gives you SPEECHLESS testimonies. Do you wanna ask Dumebi? Or Pastor M?

I can pray to that Sugar daddy… I will be standing in the gap for you too…
I truly pray for my single (and even married) friends, YOU TOO WILL HAVE AND ENJOY THE MARRIAGE OF YOUR DREAMS…
Stay with God, work His Word and I am trusting God that those of you who so desire will make the right spirit-led, pressure-free choice and will testify this coming year 2014.
Some cheery news to end this Post…
I kept on asking ‘na marriage be this’ as I recounted these stories above because I can’t even imagine the marriage that I have been in for exactly one month today being anything short of heavenly…

I mean, how? It has been one whole month of heaven on earth and I have never been happier with this man…

30:11:2013 to 30:12:2013
One month of my heaven on earth because I have my perfect slice of heaven with me on this journey…
We just got started baby

And just incase a clown is thinking ‘…Tz just one month E’. Too early to say… Wait until later before you start talking ooo cos you never know…’
Bleh…

Because we are right living people, our marriage path shall continually glow with light. The longer we stay married, the brighter our marriage shines…
And aint natin the devil can do abourrit…

Love you forever baby…
Then I am thrilled about the 31 Fab voices kicking off in January. Whoop!!! Burying the devil, one testimony after another… Remember, we are looking at our plans for 2014 and NOT how our 2013 went. So feel free to share your plans- the good, the funny, the serious, etc- for 2014 with the FAB community and let’s pray together and also learn from each other too. And yup, you can still send your entries…
Then my final post for the year comes up tomorrow. I keep thinking of how I want it to go… I am trusting God for inspiration ooo looool.
Meanwhile, two posts I ran into and thought fabulous enough to share with y’all
http://marriagebydbook.wordpress.com/
SEXPLICIT… which talked to the ladies on staying sexually pure…
State of the Union. Amazing post on how couples need to do regular reviews. Singles and married, y’all need to read this. I am even taking this beyond married couples to the relationships in our lives whether with lovers or friends. It is very imperative that the relationships in our lives are reviewed from time to time so that we are sure we are building healthy relationships and not just wasting our time and lives…
Oh then this one on Vine Magazine on ‘If staying married is so difficult, why get married?’
http://vinemag.com/if-staying-married-is-so-difficult-why-get-married/
Awesome piece…
Alright, let me get out of your faces… FOR NOW
Hugs and Kisses,
E’

Don’t marry him if… Part 1

I sooo love my blog readers walahi…

See all the disturbance I got from when I mentioned that I was going to post this. You ladies love marriage sha. And yes I know men are also reading this and I am VERY happy so that you would know the kinda guy to NOT be if you are going to marry a woman like Eziaha. Yes, I said that. I am so proud of me jare. And guess who else is… yup you guessed right.

Ok, this post is really gonna be IN YOUR FACE… No petting, No cover up. So if you are not comfy with IN YOUR FACE, then sayonara baby…

 Ayodeji Zenith

Ok let’s…

MildRED

This message was preached by Pastor Mildred Kingsley Okonkwo, a terrific BEAUTIFUL woman of God, at LDM in DCC sometime in 2012. I found it really really helpful and I have her permission to do this. Love you Pastor M… Kisskiss. Btw this is of course not exhaustive. You cannot exhaust a topic like this in 50mins. Plus I have added a bit of Eziaha flava… Ibadan-20121216-04846

Marriage is of course a really big deal. Two really and totally become one and so it makes sense that we are joined to the right kinda man. You gotta find the right kinda qualities but it is also important that we check that he does not have the wrong kinda qualities.

1. Don’t marry him if he cannot see… That is he has no vision. He has to be able to see the future that he is inviting you to follow him on. Before you find a partner for life, you ought to FIRST find a purpose for life. The blind CANNOT lead the blind. Would you enter a bus when the driver is blindfolded or even though he can drive he has NO idea where he is going? Nope. I am sure you would NOT. If you would not do that for something as mundane as a bus, why would any right thinking lady follow a BLIND CLUELESS VISIONLESS MAN into this lifelong covenant called marriage? Beats me. And please ‘planning to travel’ is NOT a plan or a vision ooo. Look out for vision… He is fine, he is rich, he buys you flowers and chocolate, promises you heaven and earth but does he have a VISION for life?

Another aspect of seeing is that can he TRULY SEE you for whom you are and can become? The husband is like a gardener, the husbandman. He is supposed to bring out the best in you as he nurtures you. He needs to see potential. Quick example… Pastor M used to be a real shy woman, the kind that would get on stage to talk, start hyperventilating and pass out (Ok she never got to that but exaggeration helps my point) but when she met the MAN that is Kingsley Okonkwo, he saw and pulled out the potential in her.

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He always pushes for bigger dreams than she would EVER dream of. At the very first Just Us girls conference which was to hold at this major events centre in lekki, as the stress was getting too much, she decided she would do it in Jamz base jejely which was where Church used to be then, somewhere at Apple Junction in Amuwo. But PK no gree ooo. He kept pushing her. Was like infact they should even bring international artistes like Cece Winans, etc. And that program held and has gotten bigger over the years. That is just an instance. Today really, Pastor M has blossomed into a real beautiful garden that we just wanna kidnap emulate, all thanks to her husband and my Pastor…

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Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo(4)

2. Do not marry him if he is INSECURE… and its evil twin JEALOUS. Now the bad part is that not only will an insecure man NOT achieve his dream because of his low self esteem, he will ALSO HINDER YOU FROM ACHIEVING YOURS. If you have big dreams, bigger than his (which is not at all bad so far both of you can manage it well), he will frustrate you so much because he cannot deal with you being ‘greater’ than him. He should be comfortable enough to let you soar… And support you while at it. Classic case… Pastor Taiwo Odukoya. I dunno if men come more secure. How many people did not know Pastor Bimbo?

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In fact, a lot of times he was referred to as Pastor Bimbo’s husband. It was only Fountaineers that knew who the ‘real boss and wind beneath her wings’ was. He let Pastor Bim soar. And Pastor Bim was a really wise woman ooo. Very submissive. She always said that her husband made her who she was and could bring her down in one day. You know I used to attend Fountain for a long time. Trust me, Pastor Taiwo is a REAL MAN. Lemme make a necessary diversion here. I recently stumbled upon THE FOUNTAIN, a magazine publication by TFOLC and this edition was to celebrate the life and times of Bimbo Odukoya. I still cried while reading it again. This is a line from the poem Pastor wrote for his wife

‘…that I LOVED YOU too much to keep you from HIS CALL was evident in the liberty you had to SOAR in His name…’

It was really evident because indeed Pastor Bim soared…

Also one of her PA’s talked about her as a homemaker…

‘…her husband our very dear Pastor Taiwo came first on her priority list. She was very particular about what he ate and how it was served. You couldn’t serve him with just any plate or cutlery, everything had to be right. Many times she did the cooking herself. Whenever he couldn’t eat before leaving for the office, she always made sure something was packed and sent to the office for him. Whenever he came back from an outing, EVERY activity was put on hold until he was properly taken care of.’

Whenever she was preaching then at Single and Married, and she referred to Pastor, you could see and touch the respect she had for him. I am saying all this to strike a balance. A woman with big dreams who finds a man who gives her enough liberty to soar should also KNOW that the same man can make her lose it all and THAT she would even do by her actions. BALANCE ladies, BALANCE!!! Ok this is about the men so let’s go back to the message jare.

Ok one last gist please hehehe…18761_106338319383621_100000223608330_157557_3293485_n

People can talk sha. Pastor married FOUR years after Pastor Bim died.

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You need to know all the begging and pleading Fountaineers did for him to re-marry. All the blackmail Tolu did for her daddy to re-marry.

  tolu

Is FOUR years not enough biko nu? Some men re-marry in one year ooo. People of the world!!! 18761_106337546050365_100000223608330_157543_459403_n

Pastor Nomthi gave birth a lil over eight months after the wedding and people carried gist again, Kai!!! Ever heard of PREMATURE babies? I was one. I came less than 8months sef. I am so happy at how Pastor’s life has turned out sha. I am sure Pastor Bim is smiling down on her now bigger family.

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Ok, back to the ‘don’t marry him if…’

We’re still on INSECURE JEALOUS MEN

Aside from not letting you fulfill your dreams, he also won’t trust you. You know, you achieve something and instead of him to be happy for you, he starts acting funny and suspecting you of all sorts of things. Pastor M told the story of her friend, a really pretty model who married an insecure man. Of course, that was the end of her modeling. Everyday when he came home, he would first of all touch her car to be sure it was not hot indicating that she went somewhere. After marriage, he changed her phone, cut her off from a lot of people, etc. Please If that is not slavery, what is? Insecurity…

Another gist.

Another married lady whose husband did not have a formal education made her come home EVERY weekend. And then sometimes he would just tell her that she could not go to school that week irrespective of what was going down in school that week, test and exams inclusive, for no reason other than insecurity. She tried to rebel and of course you know what followed na, beating. Last last sha she made a third class. Guys couldn’t call her or greet her on the road ooo. That usually resulted in beating, from the road home. During NYSC he didn’t let her discover herself, restricting her to just teaching despite her wanting to spread her wings a bit.

Insecurity…

3. Don’t marry him if he is a MOMMY’S BOY… This one I am big on personally. If he has to refer to mommy or daddy for every one decision in your matrimonial home, hmm well I am sorry for you. Please watch him wella when you are dating before marriage. ‘Let’s ask mommy…’ Mschewwwwww. If you marry a mommy’s boy who cannot make decisions on his own, You have married him and his mother. If he is in love with his momma, you will be a second wife and I dunno how you can live with that ooo. The field no level already cos when you wanna make Poundo yam she will say that is NOT what he usually eats, that she pounded his yam in the mortar for 30 whole years and then she’ll proceeds to pounding it. Please how can YOU compete with that? The kinda man we need is a strong man that knows when to draw the line between you and his family. I had a friend whose sister in law lives with them and one day slapped her and her husband said NOTHING and still let the sister live with them. I am sorry but not slapping back IS A SIN… You cannot slap me in my husband’s house ooo. YOU CANNOT… infact why am I even protesting. It is easier for an elephant to pass through half the eye of a needle than for such rubbish to be conceived by anyone.

Personally, I do not think that parents and inlaws should live with a couple except if truly necessary such as Omugwo and even that should NOT be forever. Interestingly I lived and still live ‘on and off’ with my sister and that is because they INSISTED. I was a far too useful sister, aunty and inlaw and a pure joy to have around and let her kids grow with. Today I am still their all time fave aunt. If I even go back to my parents’ for a while, na so dem go dey use phone call drag me back especially my BIL. Before momsie dey vex but now she has given up hehehe. But I digress.

You get my point sha. He man needs to be a MAN and not a boy, whether daddy’s or mommy’s.

4. Don’t marry him if he is ABUSIVE whether emotionally, physically or psychologically ABUSIVE. No matter his pedigree, bank account, Ivy league degrees, an abusive man is a no go area. Most abusive people are hurting inside and with no one else to unleash on, the person closest to them takes the abuse, in this case wifey or partner. For some men, they may not beat you but with their words they will finish your destiny. ‘Please you that I am even managing you are still opening your mouth’ ‘What do you think you are wearing? Other girls will wear skinny jeans, you sef with your mosquito and chicken leg will also wear’ ‘Na wa ooo, color blocking is NOT for people like you abeg. You sef wan color block, mumu’ Even if the whole world is applauding you, he will find things to yab about you and the sad thing about we ladies is that tz the man’s validation we crave the most. Sad much. This is emotional abuse please. And psychological too. It is NOT normal. No baby, it is not. Btw, Ladies we need to learn self evaluation jare on our own… ‘appreciate your own self and let others own be the jara. If a guy keeps abusing you emotionally by saying stuff like this, you would swallow it so much that you would actually believe you have issues and that is how low self esteem will start especially if that guy walks out on you eventually. That sort of person will make you believe that he is ‘helping’ you by being in a relationship with you or by even marrying you. You know that saying ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me…’

That’s a huge lie you know abi? Sticks and stones can be healed with iodine and a few stitches but words go deep deep down. They hurt… words hurt deeper and they last longest…inside your soul. And iodine and band aids cannot help. But that does not mean you should tolerate it ooo. The kinda man you need is a man who keeps saying positive words over you. Words like… ‘you are beautiful… you are virtuous… you can do better than this, etc.’ Stuff that mirror the Word and is growing you with his words.

Pastor M also talked about some ladies who call the ministry line and say things like, ‘Please help me beg this guy, he just broke up with me and my life is over… blablabla’ and would even include the guys phone numbers… biko nu nu. Just as a reminder sweetie, you do know the bible calls you a Helper abi? Meaning that you have come to help him if not he will be FRUSTRATED in this life. Abeg na who suppose dey make shakara for this matter now? Is it not the one that is called to help? Ladies please put some HIGH PREMIUM on your fabulous self. (Yea yea men, warreva jare. When you do your ‘Don’t marry her if…’ you can retaliate *tongue out*). The final kind of abuse is explained in the next number.

5. Don’t marry him if he is HOT-TEMPERED, VIOLENT OR OPINIONATED.

You know some men that are just always RIGHT… You can NEVER win any argument ooo even if na play. Even Ludo. You will see his eye will be getting red because he lost. O ma ga ooo. You cant even tell him he did something wrong. He would have to find a way to put the blame back on you. And shout at you too in the process. You cannot bring any suggestions ooo. He cannot be humble enough to take your suggestions even when superior, he just no go gree. I have a friend dating someone like that. Her opinions count for NOTHING. If she protests eh, she would not find his reaction funny. But looks like the girl can deal with being subdued like that. Me I fitn’t. Even if everyone says for example that something is orange, only him will insist it is BLUE… One man army. Please if you cannot talk to him, correct him, or teach him stuff, he is NOT ‘marryable’. And heaven forbid he apologizes when wrong… that has to be an ABOMINATION in his village.

Then the Hot tempered man? A NO NO… Big one. I am really amazed as to how women think and reason ooo. And then make silly excuses like ‘Yes he beat me but I was the one that provoked him’. That statement stopped being cool in the 12th century, if it was ever cool sef. Marriage is too much of a big deal to share it with someone that you would have to walk on egg shells with. When you guys are even dating, tendencies like him going to hit the wall violently when you as little as annoy him, or he raises his hand and then drops it and punches into something, ARE NOT TO BE IGNORED OR EXPLAINED AWAY. A man who cannot explain something without raising his voice or you cannot question his actions. One day when there is no wall or cushion to punch, and he is angered, please who will he punch? Definitely not the air or himself na. If he always loses his temper, must he find it on you? So please he has to have self control. And self control is a fruit of the spirit. You must always live balanced. No one should live on any of the extremes. He has to be a man that you can speak to freely without fear of being hit. Justifying his violence by saying it was cos you provoked him is as a result of LOW SELF ESTEEM. That is when any woman can justify being hit by a man. Which is why as a woman, you should have discovered just how precious God says you are FIRST, and carry yourself as such. Then it would be hard for you to allow any man treat you any less. Please don’t manage any man. Don’t settle for less than you are worth. The truth is that marriage comes with a lot of work and responsibility and because the woman has plenty work to do, then it only makes sense that the person that you are ‘helping’ is really worth it. Sometimes what you would have to do would not be convenient, so at least let the Love be the motivation even when you do not feel like it. Marriage is not to be one sided. Both parties should be covenant conscious and value and respect each other mutually. If the man understands that the covenant  says that He is the head and the woman is the body, then he would know that beating his wife is equal to beating his own self and is that not madness? (Ephesians 5;22ff). Christ and the church? Recall? The man should actually be able to give his life for you. Yup…

And yes a hot tempered man is also a FOOL… That is what the bible calls them ooo. Check Ecclesiastes 7 vs 9. Anger rests in the bosom of fools. Righteous anger that lands you a slap

When angry, when someone gets on your last nerves, please walk away. That shows that you are bigger than them. Don’t do anything when you are MAD.

The bible says that a companion of fools shall be destroyed. (Check proverbs something). How much more the wife of an angry FOOL? Please do yourself and unborn kids a favor and don’t join to that kinda man. Lest you destroy yourself and kids. In marriage there is a transference of spirit and after a while, you become alike so you too will get violent without even knowing. Not cool at all.

And yes, a slap in a relationship means he will BEAT YOU BLUE AND BLACK when you are married. Cos marriage has magnifying tendencies. See why you should find a man who respects you in courtship cos it will get better in marriage. A slap is NOT JUST a slap. A slap in courtship means you should slap back even harder and then run away. Don’t accept any gifts. Just run…

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This is where I would love to stop for now. Part two will be up later this week so keep checking ok. And kindly do me the favor of spreading word about this so that ladies can learn from this too. We can’t keep making these avoidable mistakes.

This week finally, my blog challenge begins…

Phew… All ready. We good to go.

Lots of Love…

E

PS;

Meanwhile the answer to that guess was God ooo. The question above on who else is proud of me now, haba did you forget that I mentioned that at the start of this Post? The gist don carry una… I did this deliberately to test your remembrance span hehehe. So did you pass? LOL.

DCC btw is David’s Christian Centre…

LDM is Love Dating and Marriage which holds at DCC every first Sunday of the month at 4pm. DCC is at… (You already know where DCC is jor).