Why am I still SINGLE? A message preached by Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo

I just love this message. I am not sure but I think this was the last LoveDating&Marriage seminar I attended at DCC Lagos. I love it so much that it is the last Singles message left on my phone. It just seemed soooooo practical and useful. So this is dedicated to all my Single FABers. So much to learn from it. Preached by my Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo wpid-pastor-k.jpg So why am I still single? He answers this with 5 questions… Enjoy.

  1. Am I available?

Some people are actually NOT available but they think they are. Some actions or way of life make you NOT available in the ‘Singles market’ which is actually over saturated. There are some mindsets you may have which unknown to you may be sending out vibes to men that you are not available eg Do you always walk around with this thought ‘there are no good men/women anymore’ whilst praying for one? Honey, daz not ghanna wok. As a (wo)man thinketh in his heart, SO IS HE!!! Also if you are carrying emotional baggage, you may think you are available but you are not.

photo courtest intl workplace

photo courtest intl workplace

The energy flowing from you ain’t in line with what you praying for. It is like a house which has a ‘Welcome to our home’ doormat but yet a big dog right at the entrance. You know you ain’t welcome. Emotional baggages would keep getting in the way of conversations with even remotely interested opposite sex and aint nobody got time to continually hear about your ex John who dumped you or whatever horrid happened in the past. Please let God heal any hurt from your past. Also are you dating someone you KNOW you cannot marry whilst yet claiming ‘Single’? Eg dating a married man or some ‘bad guy’.

photo courtesy blogherdotcom

photo courtesy blogherdotcom

You may be thinking you are just holding that person in the mentime till the ‘Mr Right’ comes along but hunnay, you are sending signals even you don’t know about and people can pick those signals. You are emotionally involved no matter what you think. Usually when you meet someone, you are NOT as interested as a fully single person is only you don’t know.

Also, if there is this ‘Bro John’ you have been ‘claiming’ although dude has neither said anything nor is he feeling you laidat. That HUGE emotional investment in Bro John has made you less emotionally available to others but you dunno. It will be clear that there is NO VACANCY in your life for other people. Please don’t lose a good guy waiting on Bro John whom you have seen in a vision lol. Keep it moving and ‘empty’ Love. Bro John aint interested. PK tells the story of this girl in this uni who was overheard praying and claiming a certain ‘Bro John’ who everyone knows was already engaged to ‘Sister Mary’. The girl just dey pray dey claim the man calling out his name and surname sef. You see such a lady, though she is single, she ain’t available. Another way to check if you are available is to find out if you have unrealistic standards. The person some ladies/guys wanna marry is A PEOPLE- 4/5 in one person. I wrote a post on that here. Nobody is 100% and hey even if there was someone like that, guess what? That person wont be able to stand you cos you are not 100%. I want a man that is very romantic, rich, successful, Prayer warrior, Bible teacher, good singer like Don or Kirk, humble like Adeboye, have faith like Oyedepo, excellent like Adefarasin, Prayer warrior like Olukoya, funny like PK, HABA SISTER, ONLY YOU!!!??? Humans are work in progress. That spouse doesn’t have to come 100% perfect 2. Are you accessible?

Photo from Flickr

Photo from Flickr

Some people are available and eligible but they are NOT accessible. They cannot be reached. Nobody got access to her.

Photo from flickr

Photo from flickr

Almost like all those sheltered children whose father had this shotgun or a big dog for any man that dared to visit.

You are certainly not welcome on this property... Photo from Flickr

You are certainly not welcome on this property… Photo from Flickr

As a single person, you must be able to be reached. You can’t be praying for a spouse and continually sit in your room under your bed, tz only mosquito that will see you. And God. But God doesn’t wanna marry. Ain’t no eligible person gonna come under your bed and see you. Which is why it is good for instance to belong to a church and a service group. Too much stories of couples who met whilst serving in church.

photo courtesy mix949

photo courtesy mix949

Being a member of the church ain’t enough especially if you are in all those big churches. Chances that you would be seen are low when all you do is come in, worship and after service you just leave. Ah!!! Bae, how is that gonna work? Join a department/small unit/connect group/house fellowship and let people SEE you and interact with you.

photo courtesy crossedroadsabc.com

photo courtesy crossedroadsabc.com

Not that you just rush into your car after every service without interacting with anybody. Don’t always walk sooooo fast. If you are single, reduce your pace hehehe. But frankly, I met one of my readers who said some people complained that she always walks too fast and with a straight face everytime in church and so was unapproachable. So please, catwalk ehn. Especially as a lady because these guys just dey try arrange themselves, gather stamina and muster courage to talk to you but before they reach you, you don disappear. And as a guy too, you gast be wise/. He tells the story of how in Bible school, first day he spotted this girl he thought he would like to get to know. Unfortunately, they didn’t sit so close. The next day he came early and sat close to the area the girl sat, made it a habit and kept finding reasons to communicate with her even if it meant copying notes he already had and asking questions he already had the answers to. ‘Excuse me, did you copy the assignment?’ ‘Did you get what that teacher said here?’ Of course, they started talking from there. My dear, you must be accessible as a single. Position yourself well. Have hobbies and be involved in them. Be sociable. Have friends. Obviously, he is not talking clubbing and stuff. There is healthy clean fun. Take yourself out if you have to, somebody might meet you there ooo. Nobody must take you there ooo. And while you are there, please be looking around small small. Like my Rev would say, watch and pray 3. Be approachable

From a recent shooting with Nemorosa. Thanks for the great shooting!

From a recent shooting with Nemorosa. Thanks for the great shooting!

Some people are available, they are accessible but to approach them is a different, impossible ball game. If you need to practice how to smile in front of a mirror, please do. Some ladies have a natural frowning face. A lot of men are not bold and they fear rejection so imagine they now gather courage to walk up to you and say hi or anything else to initiate conversation and you just size them up and down and are generally not very polite or welcoming.

photo courtesy flickr

photo courtesy flickr

The guy will just change mouth, turn you to traffic warden and ask you for direction or to borrow bible or something else. Anything but what he was on his mind because your countenance is bad. Please greet people and respond warmly. He that hath friend must show himself friendly. Recall Rebekah and how approachable and friendly she was to Abby’s servant and how she landed herself a rich young eligible blessed man. Another thing is when ladies always walk together like a gang and their countenance makes it hard for any guy to get that opportunity to speak to one privately. Don’t look down on people who don’t have it all now and be like ‘he is not my type’ lol. Some of these hunks we see now have not always been hunks ooo. For example see Rev and PK’s Surulere pix hehehe

hahahahahaha lol

hahahahahaha lol. I wish I can see the third man now

See them today

See them today

so some of these guys you boning now may be multi-millionaires in a few years. No use today scatter your tomorrow. Be approachable. That’s all for Part 1. Part 2 will be up same time next week. That’s Tuesday. Until then, share with your friends aii… Especially your Single and ready for marriage ones Trust you enjoyed this. Please share with your single friends, male and female and you can worship with DCC here WORSHIP WITH US DCC Lagos Victory Dome Behind PHCN Office, Fatgbems Bus Stop, Amuwo Odofin, Lagos 1st Service – 7.00am 2nd Service – 8.30am 3rd Service – 10.00am Midweek service Wednesday 6.30pm DCC Victoria Island Elegushi Beach Road, Beside Meadow Hall School, After 3rd Roundabout, Lekki, Lagos. Sunday Service – 11.00am Rush Hour Fellowship (Midweek service especially for those who work on the Island) Tuesdays:                    6pm at Silverbird Cinema, Hall 4. Instead of going to enter traffic, enjoy Rush hour fellowship and be refreshed. Love Dating and Marriage (the program where this message and such relationship messages are preched) holds at different intervals in the year. If you would call our numbers, they can send you reminder texts if you wish. Website: http://davidschristiancentre.org/ Phone number: 08077714411   And then of course we have our annual WHEN WOMEN WORSHIP coming up next week. Please click on link to get all the details. Friday June 19- Sunday June 21.

WHEN WOMEN WORSHIP 2015

WHEN WOMEN WORSHIP 2015

Ladies, you know you can’t afford to miss this one. Hosted of course by Pastor Mildred Kingsley-Okonkwo

Gorgeously preggo

Gorgeously preggo

Stay blessed y’all

E’

PS

In the, an amazing relationship blogger and sister has this beautiful post up on tips to surviving wedding season. Check it out here http://www.inthemidstofher.com/2015/05/5-tips-to-surviving-wedding-season.html

Feel free to snoop around her amazing blog too

Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo

While you are waiting… #PurposefullySingle

Before i proceed, I should absolutely be a Consultant to prospective Corpers on how to have a totally AMAZING NYSC year.

I love love love my PPA, LG etc. This year has been real… Bless God.

By end of January, guess who will be powerfully done with NYSC?

ME!!!

Whoop!!!

So what inspired this post?
I was talking to a, well acquaintance, a few days back. She had actually asked me about my short term plans (say 5years) and stuff, and I went on and on… where I would like to work, what kinda job I would love to do, etc. And then she said something I found very disturbing. It went something like ‘…well you can afford to plan your life and all because you have found ‘THE ONE’. Me I am still searching and so I cannot afford to have plans yet because when I get hooked and married, my husband will change it all… So I don’t even make any futuristic plans, I just live each day as it comes till I find ‘THE ONE’ and then I can start making plans for my life…’
Disturbing yeah?
Roger that!!! :)
Don’t mind my ‘roger that’ jare. I just saw the movie ‘Last flight to Abuja’, which was STELLAR by the way. Reminded me why I loved Omotola, (beyond her having a managing a home and career, at least to the best of my knowledge) and how beautiful she is…
Ok back to this story. I will just call her O*
I couldn’t say so much to O because she was pretty convinced about her stance and it would take some time explaining what I am writing here, and I had little time to spare then. So I said I will do a post with her story and have her read it…
Speaking of stories, someone wanted to ask me something on BB and changed her mind because she said that I would use her question and do a blog post… well sugar, I did find a way to bring this in here so feel free to feel justified. :)
Ok back to the story of E’ and O… for the second time hehehe
Ladies, please listen to me… Men too, if this applies… You can NOT put your life on PAUSE MODE waiting for a man biko nu. WHAT’S THAT???!!! That is definitely NOT how to spend your FEW single years. So what should you do while you are waiting, especially if you are done with your first degree and all…?
1. Get a (Career/business)LIFE. I am of the strong opinion that you most likely will meet THE ONE while you are living that life… feel free to DREAM big and start taking baby steps towards achieving them, Newsflash ladies, guys these days don’t want no liability yo!!! If I were a guy, I would NOT too. A purposeful woman is always MORE ATTRACTIVE. Learnt that from my darling PASTOR BIMBO, bless her sweet soul. If you need to go ahead and do something to better your career chances, please do. If you need to relocate and you are sure God would have you, please do. A second or third degree, please enjoy… While you are waiting. And don’t worry that guys would be intimidated by you. The kinda guy that would be intimidated by your success story and life is the sort of man you should NOT be even remotely interested in. These days I think many more real men are the ones encouraging their partners to be the very best they can be. And you need a real man… So soar baby…
2. Get a SOCIAL LIFE… Oh please by all mean socialize. Do plenty sleepovers and girls night outs. Travel to as many countries and states that you can, just because… Have cinema and beach dates. Catch up with your friends. Visit. Babysit. Attend and/or host bridal and baby showers. Take that dance/french/drama/whatever class. Oh btw, how did I miss EAT INDOMIE now while you can… You can’t be asking me if eating indomie is a SOCIAL thing. Please it is, for me. :P
3. Be active in your local church. Go on retreats and all nights. Attend all the programs you can in church, not only relationship programs. Please join and be active in units mehn… This is the time to go for outreach, evangelism and follow up. This is the time. I can’t over emphasize that ooo. Not that you would NOT have time anymore when you are married oo, Just that you have more time now as a single lady. So rock church baby…
4. Just enjoy being single. Enjoy having an opportunity to sleep alone. To come back and eat indomie all alone, without any body wanting to eat pounded yam. To just get up and go, no permission needed or solicited. To just be… Be free and happy.
5. PRAY and keep your confessions straight. Sweetheart, he that will come will come and not tarry. Our God is so faithful. Don’t let the society or your parents or friends pressure you into making the wrong and hasty decisions. Remember, they will NOT live with you. Neither will they suffer with you if you are not enjoying your marriage. BE WISE. Like my Rev would say, COMPLETE and FINISHED are not always synonyms. They can be antonyms too. If you marry the right person, you are COMPLETE, if you marry the wrong person, you are FINISHED. And like my Pastor Mildred Kingsley Okonkwo always advices single ladies, PLEASE MARRY WELL OOO.
Feel free to add more in the comments section. I think that’s all from me for now.
I am single too. I am NOT telling you stuff I do not do or have not done. At least most of it I do. Or did in time past.
Being in a relationship WITH THE RIGHT PERSON is like heaven on earth. I imagine marriage is even better. But singlehood is NOT a disease. For you to be properly cleaved, you need to enjoy being single… and not lonely, or stagnated in life.
Singlehood rocks!!! Please ROCK IT. And single ladies ROCK too.
Cheers, to all my single ladies only who are living life to the max, or now intend to…
Muah,
E’
PS:
post was written a while ago. Say four months ago…

i hardly edited it

PPS
Nothing :) Lol

Ok something. Marriagebythebook has this Post on the WRONG KINDA THIRD PARTY

http://marriagebydbook.wordpress.com/2013/11/06/the-wrong-kinda-third-party/

The Post blessed me and y’all know how I love to share cool stuff with you. It bordered on sharing stuff that happens in your relationship with friends and knowing when to draw the line. Really cool stuff. I just love to see people living through godly marriages making Singles know that they too can have a fantastic marriage as Christians.

I enjoyed reading it. the Naijawife asked a question on something like ‘Would you want your friend to tell you if she caught your partner cheating?’ I was tagged to answer on Twitter and frankly I have NEVER thought about it. I truly don’t know. Such a hard question… Gosh!!! Lemme see people’s answers first sha.

You can follow all these cool peeps on twitter @marriagebydbook @inthemidstofher @1plustheone

They do Twittter right.

And me too @eziahaa

PPPPS

My darling girlfriend Uche has just birthed a BOUNCING baby girl. HALLELUJAH

uche

Blogged about her here.

http://eziaha.com/2013/06/22/saturday-lovin/

Not sure she will want me to share pictures yet.

Promised her I will be in the hospital to see her, not just coming top her house afterwards so I am off to the hospital mad busy as I am.

That baby is my god daughter so… Lemme go and give my own name. Infact, my name for her is

*drumroll necessary. Complete with flashing paparazzi lights*

EZIAHA

Perfect name… Emotional name for me

uche

Congrats Uche hun… Thank you Jesus. Now you have two. But I know you are going to 10 so… Good luck

Uche Esther and I

Ok let us lose the weight before the next one… hehehehe

Hopefully I will share pix in the next Post

Of baby and me of course. #MyFirstGodDaughter

🙂